Mourning: Writing It Out

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Grief and Tears
It’s always your way
You decide
When I sleep
When I eat
Generally, even how I grieve.

Who are you
To tell me, or anyone
How or when to grieve

I’m sorry
If my grief is inconvenient for you
I’ve been trying to grieve, to cry
Desperately trying, needing, wanting to cry
Only to find myself blocked.

Blocked in
Caged in
In a jail of your creation,
Or maybe mine.
No matter who
Not a tear will fall
While here I stay, at your mercy and alone with my grief.

~ Elizbeth Gorski 06:54 pm Sunday 04 November 2018

It’s funny, I haven’t written a poem in years. I forget how many years exactly. That was then, this is now. Now I can’t seem to stop writing them. They are much shorter than my typical poem, maybe that’s a good thing, either way, I feel that most of them are crap. I never destroy them though. Not my new ones and nothing I’ve ever written before.
Some of them are goofy and superficial, to me anyway. Some of them pack a pretty powerful punch. Lately, it seems, no matter the inspiration or spark which caused me to write the poem, it always steers at some point to my Grammy or to my grief. While some of them turn out to be pretty good, none of them bring me any relief, any resolution and I still can’t cry.
So, I continue on one poem into the next, one after another, over and over again. I never make any progress. It feels like I’m merely writing for the act of writing, all while holding, naively believing that someday one of them will trigger the response I need. I don’t know that I actually believe that, yet, I will continue to write them to see where they lead.