I’ve been going through a pretty difficult bout of depression lately. Taking into account: the passing of my Grammy (still remains completely unhandled), the passing of Rob’s Grandpa (which triggered my unresolved Grammy grief), my Bipolar and my S.A.D. have all ganged up on me. Leaving me in a pretty dark place. My psychiatrist added a new anti-depressant to my list of medications. Unfortunately, I won’t know if it works for a few more weeks.
I just feel so, very alone right now. Even in a house with four other people, one cat, one dog and three ferrets; I feel all by myself. Cut off from theworld. It’s not even that my depression is causing it or making it worse. It’s not a cloud over my head, following me around like alot of people envision or you see in the commercials. It feels more like the large black cloud has completely enveloped me, surrounding me like a thick blanket. Cutting me off from everything and everyone I love leaving me feeling alone and cutoff from the world.
I don’t know how to come back, regain contact with the rest of the world, feel better, more myself. I wish I did. I wish I could make this easier on myself. Survive it faster, more efficiently because I’m drowning here or maybe being smoothered is a better explaination. I feel like I’m fighting a losing battle at this point. Feeling cut off and alone certainly isn’t helping me in any way.