My great-grandma Caporali passed away on Halloween, which she would have gotten a kick out of. Her birthday was yesterday, April Fools Day, April 1st. It was my first time she wasn’t here to celebrate. I fell apart. I was a hot fucking mess yesterday. Today I have an emotional migraine from Hell. My Fibromyalgia is in a complete flair, which it hasn’t been in since I stated with the marijuana. I’m moody and just a general hot mess. I’m hoping tomorrow is better.
I miss her so very much. She was my last remaining grandparent. Losing her, shattered my heart and I still haven’t had a chance to put it back together. Grammy was my everything. She was so sweet, kind, loving and patient. She loved her grandkids and great-grandkids. The Boys’ simply adored her and loved how she always seemed to have candy hidden somewhere for them.
A few years ago, I started a tradition of sorts where every time I saw my Grammy we would take a selfie. No matter how horrible we felt we looked. I’m so glad I took those selfies. Now I have something more to look back on and remember good times with her.
I remember things about my childhood and I want to be sure to remember her as an adult. I can still hear her laugh. Our conversations on the phone about each others’ lives. The Cookie Exchanges and Christmas parties. Dinners at Mama’s and Daddy’s, just because.
She gave the best hugs and was so affectionate. It hurts my heart so deeply living with the knowledge that she’s gone and not coming home. I haven’t been to her house since she passed. I just can’t. The house screams “Grammy” to me.
Her favorite thing in whole world were hummingbirds. She had at least 3 feeders and watched for years but never saw one. Then a week before she passed, she saw one for the first time ever. That’s when we knew the time was coming. I have something I equate to all the great losses in my life. Grammy’s is a hummingbird. Mama and Daddy got me a charm of a hummingbird this past Christmas. I wear it every day and never take it off. It helps me feel closer to her.
I can’t believe I missed her birthday. I think I’d rather simply write about her than to simply wish her a happy birthday.
Happy Belated Birthday Grammy!