Death and My Boys

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Recently, Rob’s Grandfather passed away. This is obviously having a profound effect, to varying degrees, on the family. I’m watching my poor husband suffer and I hate it. I hate watching him, or anyone I love, suffer from a brokenheart.

After Grandpa passed away, Rob and I planned to tell the Boys together. Things didn’t quite work that way. Rob was sitting with his family at his parents’ house. So it came to me to tell the Boys myself. I was expecting a reaction very different than the one I received. Granted, we had spent a few hours at their grandparents’ house the night before just visiting, and they aren’t stupid kids.

I called them downstairs a few days ago. Rob had already left at about 10am, so they knew something was going on. I called the Boys, all three of them, downstairs for the “talk”. Once we were all together, I couldn’t have felt more uncomfortable. There are plenty of conversations I knew I was going to have with the Boys, for some reason it never occurred to me that this would be one of them.

My goal was to make things as simple to understand as possible. I’m pretty sure I accomplished that. I told the Boys that Great-Grandpa passed away, which is difficult without using the platitudes. I hate platitudes. Emmett John was mostly ok. Elliott Richard was worried about the plan. Then Emmett John began to worry as well. I know somewhere Gavin cares, however, he simply said “ok” and walked away. It was like water sliding off a duck’s back.

Then we talked about the services. Gavin won’t be going after some of the comments he made at my Grammy’s services, which just further proved to us that he isn’t ready for situations such as this. He also decided the services aren’t something he wants to attend, which I understand. So he’ll be spending the night at my parents’ house tomorrow night because we have to be at the calling hours at roughly 6am.

As for the Boys, they both asked to attend the services. Rob and I discussed it with Pattie first. Then we discussed it with each other. We have a plan in place in case they become overwhelmed or even just plain creeped out by the viewing. First, they will go to a different room we’ve already picked out. I know I probably shouldn’t but I’ll have them bring their tablets as a last resort. If things get too bad I’ll take them to the car to hang out and chill.

So far, they seem to be ok with it all. Rob and I decided to leave the choice of their attendance in they’re hands. They were adamant they attend. Rob and I discussed it again, deciding they should go.

They are ok about the situation atleast for the moment. I don’t expect that to last. There was a battle the other day was over dress clothes. I explained they had to wear dress clothes to the calling hours and service, then at the dinner (?) they can change into clothes they’re the most comfortable in. Emmett Johh will likely put up the biggest fight. He hates anything except exercise pants by Everlast, and a few special t-shirts. Getting him dressed could turn out to be a complete debacle. The only snag with Elliott Richard is he wants a tux, not just to wear to the services, also every Friday at school. We keep trying to explain that a tux isn’t really appropriate for this type off affair Nor is it appropriate for everyday wear. I think our reasons are going right over his head. Somehow, we’ll figure it and Elliott Richard will be dressed appropriately.

I was so sure they would get upset and be difficult to handle. They were neither of those things and the whole situation went smoother than I ever could have dreamed. I must admit my Boys surprised me with their reactions.